Canned Unicorn Meat

Unicorns, inevitably, frolic worldwide, pooping rainbows and marshmallows wherever they are going. What you don’t know is that when unicorns reach the end of their lifespan, they are drawn to County Meath, Ireland. The Sisters at Radiant Farms have dedicated their lives to nursing these elegant creatures through their final days. Having a cue in the Kobe beef industry, they massage each unicorn’s coat with Guinness daily and fatten them on a diet comprised entirely of candy corn. As the unicorn ages, its meat becomes fatty and marbled as well as the living bone inside the horn loses density in the process similar to osteoporosis. The horn’s surface of keratin sets out to develop a flavor very like candied almonds. Blending the crushed unicorn horn in to the meat adds delightful, crispy flavor notes in each bite. Were confident you can find a arena of bewilderment in every single mouthful of scrumptious unicorn meat.


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